Yesterday an Emeritus Professor in the bio dept passed away. He was highly decorated with memberships in academies and an impressive track record of research. But these aren't the things that affected me... the most important to me was that he paid attention to people around him, no matter who they were.
I didn't know Howard personally, but I've been told stories about him. He used to eat lunch at retirement community restaurant here in Bloomington. (Apparently, he was quite the ladies' man... always flirting with the little old women, but that's beside the point. :) )There was a waiter working there to pay his way through undergrad. Howard got to know him, found out that he was a biology major, and weaseled him a dish-washing position in one of his friends' labs. That waiter was my uncle. He started as a dish-washer in that lab, grew interested in research, and now he's a Principal Scientist at Genentech.
Not only did Howard have a profound effect on my uncle's life and career, but mine too. When my uncle was in grad school here at IU, I came to visit for a job-shadowing school project. My goal was more to hang out with my favorite uncle and get out of school for a whole day, but one day in the lab was all it took and I was hooked. If it wasn't for my uncle, I may not have been exposed to research and careers in science, which I'm so passionate about.
All that to say, be mindful of what you do, of how you live, you never know how far your legacy will stretch or who you may be influencing. The ripple effect extends far past our individual human experiences.
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, July 11, 2011
Worth
If I have learned anything during grad school thus far, it is that at times when I am most overwhelmed and at a loss that I grow the most in my faith. I shouldn't be surprised by this, but I always am.
Prelims has had that effect and I can already count several lessons learned through the process. I'm thankful that in a time of feeling swamped with academics and flailing in all other aspects of life that I find my faith and relationship with God to be growing and not standing stagnant as I would have predicted. Again, it shouldn't be surprising that when I feel most at a loss that I cling to Him in the way that I should regardless of circumstance.
One of the lessons that has hit home the most during this process so far is that of worth. A couple weeks ago, I ran into a friend at the library where we were both working on our proposals. I stopped to ask how it was going. She gave a little shake of her head and we both laughed at this crazy process we found ourselves in the middle of. As we discussed the upcoming oral exams, it was obvious that she was worried, nervous, and completely overwhelmed. I'd been there before, and it was through those times that I talked myself through it by thinking about the worst case scenario. I shared with her what I thought that was. The worst case scenario was obviously failing and being kicked out of the program, but I know what kind of student I am and she is, and that seems highly unlikely for either of us. So the next worst case is looking stupid in front of our professors. That's it. Definitely not the end of the world. She looked at me, still very upset and said, "But I am stupid, so I am afraid of looking stupid in front of them." I know this girl; she is by no means stupid. I've been in classes with her and she's quite bright and intelligent. I assured her of this, but she didn't look convinced.
That was when I began thinking about the difference between us. Yes, there are some self-esteem and confidence issues that come into play, but at the root of all of it is worth. Regardless of how I do on my prelims, pass or fail, with flying colors or just scraping by, impressing my committee or making them second guess my intelligence... regardless of these circumstances that committee does not decide my worth. My worth as a PhD candidate maybe, but not my worth as a person. My worth comes from the identity that God instilled in me, from creating me in his image to the Spirit living inside of me. He knows my heart. He does not base my worth on how much or how little biochemistry or genetics I know. Because I know where my true worth comes from I can step into that examination, leave my pride at the door, and humbly accept the outcome whatever it may be. I still have to remind myself of this daily, sometimes hourly, but it is the truth. My friend doesn't know Christ and doesn't understand this. For her, her intelligence, her career as a scientist... these are the things she finds her worth in; no wonder she is overwhelmed with concern for the upcoming exams.
So as we continue on, I'm praying for her and for myself that we know where our worth comes from and in that we find security that can only come from God.
I have not much to offer You, not near what You deserve
But still I come because Your cross has placed in me my worth.
Prelims has had that effect and I can already count several lessons learned through the process. I'm thankful that in a time of feeling swamped with academics and flailing in all other aspects of life that I find my faith and relationship with God to be growing and not standing stagnant as I would have predicted. Again, it shouldn't be surprising that when I feel most at a loss that I cling to Him in the way that I should regardless of circumstance.
One of the lessons that has hit home the most during this process so far is that of worth. A couple weeks ago, I ran into a friend at the library where we were both working on our proposals. I stopped to ask how it was going. She gave a little shake of her head and we both laughed at this crazy process we found ourselves in the middle of. As we discussed the upcoming oral exams, it was obvious that she was worried, nervous, and completely overwhelmed. I'd been there before, and it was through those times that I talked myself through it by thinking about the worst case scenario. I shared with her what I thought that was. The worst case scenario was obviously failing and being kicked out of the program, but I know what kind of student I am and she is, and that seems highly unlikely for either of us. So the next worst case is looking stupid in front of our professors. That's it. Definitely not the end of the world. She looked at me, still very upset and said, "But I am stupid, so I am afraid of looking stupid in front of them." I know this girl; she is by no means stupid. I've been in classes with her and she's quite bright and intelligent. I assured her of this, but she didn't look convinced.
That was when I began thinking about the difference between us. Yes, there are some self-esteem and confidence issues that come into play, but at the root of all of it is worth. Regardless of how I do on my prelims, pass or fail, with flying colors or just scraping by, impressing my committee or making them second guess my intelligence... regardless of these circumstances that committee does not decide my worth. My worth as a PhD candidate maybe, but not my worth as a person. My worth comes from the identity that God instilled in me, from creating me in his image to the Spirit living inside of me. He knows my heart. He does not base my worth on how much or how little biochemistry or genetics I know. Because I know where my true worth comes from I can step into that examination, leave my pride at the door, and humbly accept the outcome whatever it may be. I still have to remind myself of this daily, sometimes hourly, but it is the truth. My friend doesn't know Christ and doesn't understand this. For her, her intelligence, her career as a scientist... these are the things she finds her worth in; no wonder she is overwhelmed with concern for the upcoming exams.
So as we continue on, I'm praying for her and for myself that we know where our worth comes from and in that we find security that can only come from God.
How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make not effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God? John 5:44
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10: 29-31
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 2 Thessalonians 1:11
I have not much to offer You, not near what You deserve
But still I come because Your cross has placed in me my worth.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Grading...
I have a stack of 43 lab reports on my desk to be graded.
Average length: 10 pages.
Shortest: 2 pages.
Longest: 29 pages.
Here's how the next two days are going to go:
Stage 1: This isn't so bad.
Stage 2: Partial credit sucks.
Stage 3: I can't believe you got that wrong!?!
Stage 4: I hate this; make it stop.
Refuting a commonly held myth: I do not like to use my red pen. It causes despair, not joy.
Grading despair is not unique. It's good to know we're not alone.
I'm sorry; this is a depressing post. Maybe a smiley face will help. :)
Average length: 10 pages.
Shortest: 2 pages.
Longest: 29 pages.
Here's how the next two days are going to go:
Stage 1: This isn't so bad.
Stage 2: Partial credit sucks.
Stage 3: I can't believe you got that wrong!?!
Stage 4: I hate this; make it stop.
Refuting a commonly held myth: I do not like to use my red pen. It causes despair, not joy.
Grading despair is not unique. It's good to know we're not alone.
I'm sorry; this is a depressing post. Maybe a smiley face will help. :)
Monday, March 2, 2009
My new desk [edit]
One of our post-docs left; I inherited his desk and bench. Here are the reasons, in no particular order, why it is exponentially better than my former desk/bench combo.
1. I no longer have to move my computer/paperwork when I need to do bench work and vice versa.
2. I have a window. Granted, we're on the ground floor so I can see a limestone wall and ivy, but if I look up I can see some sky and trees.
3. My desk is across from Rohini's, who is arguably my favorite person in the lab.
4. My music horizons are being expanded by listening to Rohini's Indian music. :)
5. My cell phone has signal.
6. I'm now in the middle of the lab and closer to everything, including the lesser used tissue culture hood.
7. I have shelves, and drawers that lock!
8. I have my own set of pipettes!!!
9. I no longer have to worry that the crazy bio safety lady will come in and yell at me for having coffee cups/eating lunch at my bench.
10. There's not a MilliQ H20 carboy sitting above and constantly dripping onto my bench.
Ah the joys of my new desk and bench. :)
EDIT: Tuesday. Today Rohini and I graded papers/did bench work to the Mamma Mia soundtrack. Take the previous reasons my new desk rocks and multiply them by 10. It just keeps getting better. :)
1. I no longer have to move my computer/paperwork when I need to do bench work and vice versa.
2. I have a window. Granted, we're on the ground floor so I can see a limestone wall and ivy, but if I look up I can see some sky and trees.
3. My desk is across from Rohini's, who is arguably my favorite person in the lab.
4. My music horizons are being expanded by listening to Rohini's Indian music. :)
5. My cell phone has signal.
6. I'm now in the middle of the lab and closer to everything, including the lesser used tissue culture hood.
7. I have shelves, and drawers that lock!
8. I have my own set of pipettes!!!
9. I no longer have to worry that the crazy bio safety lady will come in and yell at me for having coffee cups/eating lunch at my bench.
10. There's not a MilliQ H20 carboy sitting above and constantly dripping onto my bench.
Ah the joys of my new desk and bench. :)
EDIT: Tuesday. Today Rohini and I graded papers/did bench work to the Mamma Mia soundtrack. Take the previous reasons my new desk rocks and multiply them by 10. It just keeps getting better. :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Big picture
There's an elderly professor emeritus in the biology department. His name is Arthur and he's infamous for asking off-the-wall, crazy questions at seminars. They're things like "What came first, chicken or the egg?", "If everyone on the planet died tomorrow....", or like he asked my friend Sarah a few weeks ago "What would happen if a turtle was infected with that bacteria?"** And he's not trying to stump you, he's totally sincere. It's always pretty amusing. Everyone in the department knows him so they all take it in stride and answer the best they can, anxious to move on to the next question. I always feel bad for visiting seminar speakers though; they either end up looking like deer in the headlights or pause with there eyes closed, and hand to their chin really trying to think through the implications of the question. Yesterday, when I gave my talk he didn't ask me anything (but did give me a nice complement); I found myself to be 70% thankful and 30% disappointed. He made up for it though with the visiting seminar speaker in the afternoon; I heard him say, "If I lived on a deserted island..."
On one hand, everyone thinks he's a bit eccentric and maybe a tad senile. On the other hand though, I wonder if he's got something that we're all missing. He always thinks 'big picture.' In the grand scheme of things, how would this mechanism work? or would it? or does it depend on other factors that we haven't thought about? I think that's something that we micro and molecular biologists lose sight of from time to time, even though we try our best to hold onto how things work in vivo. Maybe that bacteria would function differently in a turtle or a human than it does on a petri dish. Maybe those are questions that we should be asking, even if they're impossible to test. I think it's ok (and necessary, as a biologist) to focus on details, but we always need that big picture view to keep everything in context.
**Sometimes he shares facts too. Apparently he also likes to make sure that people know that arachidonic acid was first isolated in SPIDERS!
On one hand, everyone thinks he's a bit eccentric and maybe a tad senile. On the other hand though, I wonder if he's got something that we're all missing. He always thinks 'big picture.' In the grand scheme of things, how would this mechanism work? or would it? or does it depend on other factors that we haven't thought about? I think that's something that we micro and molecular biologists lose sight of from time to time, even though we try our best to hold onto how things work in vivo. Maybe that bacteria would function differently in a turtle or a human than it does on a petri dish. Maybe those are questions that we should be asking, even if they're impossible to test. I think it's ok (and necessary, as a biologist) to focus on details, but we always need that big picture view to keep everything in context.
**Sometimes he shares facts too. Apparently he also likes to make sure that people know that arachidonic acid was first isolated in SPIDERS!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
They teach us science, we teach them technology
This comic made me laugh when I ran across it the other day.
Partially, because I've been that student. Former PI: "Megan, I need you to take this [massive] stack of papers and enter all of the references into EndNote. Then I think there's some way to enter those right into the Word document for this grant..."
Yes, yes there is. It's called 'Cite While You Write' and half of the beauty and convenience of it is that you do it WHILE you write. So I had a good chuckle remembering that, and then thought about how my current PI is totally not like that and pretty self-sufficient when it comes to technology/word processing/etc...
Then today...
The PI walks into the lab.
PI: "Ying! Just the person I needed to see."
Ying: "Yeah..."
PI: "I need you to teach me how to use Excel."
Haha. Classic.
Partially, because I've been that student. Former PI: "Megan, I need you to take this [massive] stack of papers and enter all of the references into EndNote. Then I think there's some way to enter those right into the Word document for this grant..."
Yes, yes there is. It's called 'Cite While You Write' and half of the beauty and convenience of it is that you do it WHILE you write. So I had a good chuckle remembering that, and then thought about how my current PI is totally not like that and pretty self-sufficient when it comes to technology/word processing/etc...
Then today...
The PI walks into the lab.
PI: "Ying! Just the person I needed to see."
Ying: "Yeah..."
PI: "I need you to teach me how to use Excel."
Haha. Classic.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Happy New Semester
Grad Student Work Output
(phdcomics.com)
This is remarkably accurate. So here's to Monday... and all the work that could possibly be accomplished this week. :)
(phdcomics.com)
This is remarkably accurate. So here's to Monday... and all the work that could possibly be accomplished this week. :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The importance of being stupid
This is a slight detour from the "thankfulness" posts, to expand on the stupidity/grad school post from yesterday. Maybe I should clarify a few things. (Hopefully this will make you feel better about it, Nicole!)
First, I think the "Impostor syndrome" is most common with in the sciences, specifically those involving a laboratory research component. Not that it doesn't happen in other programs, but it seems to be a consistent trend when you're trying to figure out how to ask meaningful questions about biological systems and then how to go about answering them.
Second, feeling stupid is a good thing! Hard to deal with at times, but good. I like this quote from Winston Churchill: "Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." For me, I think its a pride issue. It still creeps up often, but now that I know what it is, I'm better able to combat it. It's a challenge to be comfortable with feeling stupid and going beyond that, to be comfortable enough to ask the questions you're thinking regardless of if you think they're stupid or not.
There was an editorial in the Journal of Cell Science last spring entitled "The importance of stupidity in scientific research." (Schwartz, 2008) Here are a few excerpts from it (emphasis added).
------------------------------------------------------------------
Schwartz, M. A. (2008). "The importance of stupidity in scientific research." Journal of Cell Science 121: 1771.
First, I think the "Impostor syndrome" is most common with in the sciences, specifically those involving a laboratory research component. Not that it doesn't happen in other programs, but it seems to be a consistent trend when you're trying to figure out how to ask meaningful questions about biological systems and then how to go about answering them.
Second, feeling stupid is a good thing! Hard to deal with at times, but good. I like this quote from Winston Churchill: "Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." For me, I think its a pride issue. It still creeps up often, but now that I know what it is, I'm better able to combat it. It's a challenge to be comfortable with feeling stupid and going beyond that, to be comfortable enough to ask the questions you're thinking regardless of if you think they're stupid or not.
There was an editorial in the Journal of Cell Science last spring entitled "The importance of stupidity in scientific research." (Schwartz, 2008) Here are a few excerpts from it (emphasis added).
Second, we don’t do a good enough job of teaching our students
how to be productively stupid – that is, if we don’t feel stupid it
means we’re not really trying. I’m not talking about ‘relative
stupidity’, in which the other students in the class actually read
the material, think about it and ace the exam, whereas you don’t.
I’m also not talking about bright people who might be working
in areas that don’t match their talents. Science involves confronting
our ‘absolute stupidity’. That kind of stupidity is an existential
fact, inherent in our efforts to push our way into the unknown.
...
Productive stupidity means being ignorant by choice. Focusing
on important questions puts us in the awkward position of being
ignorant. One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows
us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel
perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time. No doubt,
this can be difficult for students who are accustomed to getting the
answers right. No doubt, reasonable levels of confidence and
emotional resilience help, but I think scientific education might do
more to ease what is a very big transition: from learning what other
people once discovered to making your own discoveries. The more
comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade
into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big
discoveries.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Schwartz, M. A. (2008). "The importance of stupidity in scientific research." Journal of Cell Science 121: 1771.
Monday, December 15, 2008
First semester down
I cannot even begin to tell you how extremely thankful I am that my biochemistry class is OVER! I took the last exam tonight; it wasn't the worst one, and it wasn't fantastic, but it's over. This was by far the hardest class I have ever taken. I've never had grades this low (luckily the whole class has grades similar to mine and there's a rather nice curve.) I actually like biochemistry, but this class... well, this class is notorious for making students hate it.
This past semester of grad school has been one of the most humbling experiences. Grad school makes you feel stupid. That's its job. You're supposed to feel stupid. Every day. They even have a lady from CAPS come in and talk to us at the beginning of the semester about Impostor Syndrome--when you begin to feel like you're not smart enough for this and that they must have admitted you by mistake--no joke, there's an actual name for it. I knew this coming into grad school; one of my closest coworkers in my old lab warned me about it and told me to not let it get to me--that it happens to everybody and the sooner you all admit to each other that you feel stupid, the sooner you can bond over it. (So true, I'm also thankful for the other Micro/MBG ladies who are all pretty awesome.) So here it is, one semester of feeling stupid down. I'm thankful I made it through with some pretty good friends, a great research project lined up, a passing biochem grade, and some measure of sanity.
This past semester of grad school has been one of the most humbling experiences. Grad school makes you feel stupid. That's its job. You're supposed to feel stupid. Every day. They even have a lady from CAPS come in and talk to us at the beginning of the semester about Impostor Syndrome--when you begin to feel like you're not smart enough for this and that they must have admitted you by mistake--no joke, there's an actual name for it. I knew this coming into grad school; one of my closest coworkers in my old lab warned me about it and told me to not let it get to me--that it happens to everybody and the sooner you all admit to each other that you feel stupid, the sooner you can bond over it. (So true, I'm also thankful for the other Micro/MBG ladies who are all pretty awesome.) So here it is, one semester of feeling stupid down. I'm thankful I made it through with some pretty good friends, a great research project lined up, a passing biochem grade, and some measure of sanity.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Interesting snippets from the Inbox
November 5, 2008
#1
To: SiHall
Subj: Unicorn Training
(Apparently this is something to do with protein purification, and not mystical creatures. Disappointment.)
#2
To: AIs
"If you know a good place to find pillbugs & can
bring some in, it would be appreciated."
#1
To: SiHall
Subj: Unicorn Training
(Apparently this is something to do with protein purification, and not mystical creatures. Disappointment.)
#2
To: AIs
"If you know a good place to find pillbugs & can
bring some in, it would be appreciated."
Friday, August 29, 2008
Orientation in a nutshell
Orientation is over! (Well, aside from one more meeting Sunday afternoon.) What a loooooong week. Here are the highlights:
1. Research
I have my first lab rotation set up and I'll begin that on Tuesday in the Hardy lab. I'm really excited about it. For the first few weeks I'll be doing some odds and ends because the post doc that I'll mainly be learning from is out of town. Then looking at viral pathogenesis using fruit flies. The virus (Sindbis) the Hardy lab works with is transmitted by mosquitoes and the natural reservoir is birds. Occasionally it gets transmitted to horses or humans when the mosquitoes decide to feed on something else. A mild form of disease presents itself as polyarthritis and fever while the more serious form causes encephalitis. The interesting thing is that the virus causes disease in large mammals and birds (infected cells go through apoptosis) but the mosquitoes are not affected (no apoptosis in infected cells). The difference is the host, not the virus. So what viral factors are inhibiting apoptotic pathway in mosquitoes and/or what host factors in the apoptotic pathway are the object of this inhibition? That's what I'll be working on. My second rotation is set up as well, so all systems are go on the research front.
2. AI
A good portion of the week has also been spent going through AI training (some of which has been helpful, and some not). I'm really excited now about teaching my class. I'm going to be teaching the Introductory Biology Lab. It's going to take a large amount of time, but I think it will be fun. I'll have a lot of freedom and control over the way I handle my class which will be nice. The professor who is in charge of all the intro labs just set up our oncourse pages and now I have a roster. How weird is that?! I was taking this class 4 years ago and now I have a roster of students who I'll be teaching. Crazy.
3. New friends
Last but not least I've met a lot of new people who I'll be spending a fair amount of time with. I like them so far, and I look forward getting to know them better!
1. Research
I have my first lab rotation set up and I'll begin that on Tuesday in the Hardy lab. I'm really excited about it. For the first few weeks I'll be doing some odds and ends because the post doc that I'll mainly be learning from is out of town. Then looking at viral pathogenesis using fruit flies. The virus (Sindbis) the Hardy lab works with is transmitted by mosquitoes and the natural reservoir is birds. Occasionally it gets transmitted to horses or humans when the mosquitoes decide to feed on something else. A mild form of disease presents itself as polyarthritis and fever while the more serious form causes encephalitis. The interesting thing is that the virus causes disease in large mammals and birds (infected cells go through apoptosis) but the mosquitoes are not affected (no apoptosis in infected cells). The difference is the host, not the virus. So what viral factors are inhibiting apoptotic pathway in mosquitoes and/or what host factors in the apoptotic pathway are the object of this inhibition? That's what I'll be working on. My second rotation is set up as well, so all systems are go on the research front.
2. AI
A good portion of the week has also been spent going through AI training (some of which has been helpful, and some not). I'm really excited now about teaching my class. I'm going to be teaching the Introductory Biology Lab. It's going to take a large amount of time, but I think it will be fun. I'll have a lot of freedom and control over the way I handle my class which will be nice. The professor who is in charge of all the intro labs just set up our oncourse pages and now I have a roster. How weird is that?! I was taking this class 4 years ago and now I have a roster of students who I'll be teaching. Crazy.
3. New friends
Last but not least I've met a lot of new people who I'll be spending a fair amount of time with. I like them so far, and I look forward getting to know them better!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Grad school orientation: Quote of the day II
"Megan! You're here! Great! You can be the other homologue!"
-Mimi (my former PI), recruiting me to be a chromosome in her meiosis presentation
-Mimi (my former PI), recruiting me to be a chromosome in her meiosis presentation
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Grad school orientation: Quote of the day
"Common sense in our society is decreasing unfortunately. Now they have those warning tags that remind you not to use your hair dryer in the shower. If you're dumb enough to try that, you really shouldn't be here anyway. I'm all for removing the warnings, thin out the herd."
-A medical doctor, discussing common sense in the real world and laboratory first aid with us today
.
-A medical doctor, discussing common sense in the real world and laboratory first aid with us today
.
Monday, August 18, 2008
3/4, not too shabby
When I was applying to grad schools in the spring, I sent my application to 4 schools. After getting my acceptance to IU in February, I kind of put the others on the back burner in my mind. Months came and went and I received another acceptance and a rejection, completely forgetting about the 4th and final school. On Saturday (Aug 16th) I received my last letter of acceptance from Rutgers in NJ. Seriously? Aug 16th? I'm beginning grad school on the 25th and they're just now sending out their acceptance letters?! Not only have people already accepted offers, but roommates have been picked and apartments have been leased. I thought it might have been stuck in the mail, but the postmark said Aug 13. I think they may need to revamp their application deadline and process.
Anyway, it made me laugh. I'm still completely confident that IU is where I'm supposed to be. Sorry, Rutgers.
Anyway, it made me laugh. I'm still completely confident that IU is where I'm supposed to be. Sorry, Rutgers.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Out of Control
My plans. Haha, that's a laugh, right? Deep down I know that God is in control of everything that happens in my life, but I need a daily reminder. Probably more than that to be honest--an hourly reminder at least.
This week I've been working on my grad school applications. Everything is coming together nicely and for that, I am thankful. However, I've been losing sight of the fact that I'm not really in control of this. I like to be in control of some things and academics is definitely one of them. When I went to Cgroup last week, Ida Jo was asking me about the schools I was applying to and hypothetical situations that might come up. What if I don't get into IU? What if I do get in to all the schools I apply to--then where will I go? I had thought of these things before and had answers to all of the questions, but it still made me think. The grad students and the professor that I work for seem to think that I won't have trouble getting in anywhere. I've been really comforted by that and kind of put aside my worrying because of it. It just occurred to me, however, that it doesn't really matter how qualified I am. If God doesn't want me to be here at IU, it doesn't matter how good my grades are or what great things my professors say in their recommendations. If it's not in God's plan, I won't get in. And vice versa, even if I don't think I'm qualified enough God can still put me wherever He wants me to be.
This is unsettling and comforting at the same time. Unsettling due to the fact that I can't prepare myself enough. I can do all the "right" things. Get all the best grades and test scores. Those things can help get me into a good school, but if it's not where God wants me to be, the best qualifications don't mean a thing. I've never actually had the control I thought I had in the situation. On the other hand, it is comforting to know that those things are out of my control. I don't have to worry about my future, because God knows exactly where to put me. He's got my best interest in mind.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
That said, these plans that the Lord has for me--for prosperity, for my future--are not necessarily what I might consider prosperous and right for my future. I think it's important to note this since the "prosperity gospel" has recently been brought to my attention. God's plan to "prosper" me does not mean that he's going to make me rich, or keep me from sickness, or give me the perfect husband and family someday. It simply means that He knows what's best for me and when I seek Him out and choose to follow His plan for my life, only then will I be able to live to the fullest--to be prosperous in the Lord.
I'll leave you with a verse from my favorite Psalm:
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:15-16
This week I've been working on my grad school applications. Everything is coming together nicely and for that, I am thankful. However, I've been losing sight of the fact that I'm not really in control of this. I like to be in control of some things and academics is definitely one of them. When I went to Cgroup last week, Ida Jo was asking me about the schools I was applying to and hypothetical situations that might come up. What if I don't get into IU? What if I do get in to all the schools I apply to--then where will I go? I had thought of these things before and had answers to all of the questions, but it still made me think. The grad students and the professor that I work for seem to think that I won't have trouble getting in anywhere. I've been really comforted by that and kind of put aside my worrying because of it. It just occurred to me, however, that it doesn't really matter how qualified I am. If God doesn't want me to be here at IU, it doesn't matter how good my grades are or what great things my professors say in their recommendations. If it's not in God's plan, I won't get in. And vice versa, even if I don't think I'm qualified enough God can still put me wherever He wants me to be.
This is unsettling and comforting at the same time. Unsettling due to the fact that I can't prepare myself enough. I can do all the "right" things. Get all the best grades and test scores. Those things can help get me into a good school, but if it's not where God wants me to be, the best qualifications don't mean a thing. I've never actually had the control I thought I had in the situation. On the other hand, it is comforting to know that those things are out of my control. I don't have to worry about my future, because God knows exactly where to put me. He's got my best interest in mind.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
That said, these plans that the Lord has for me--for prosperity, for my future--are not necessarily what I might consider prosperous and right for my future. I think it's important to note this since the "prosperity gospel" has recently been brought to my attention. God's plan to "prosper" me does not mean that he's going to make me rich, or keep me from sickness, or give me the perfect husband and family someday. It simply means that He knows what's best for me and when I seek Him out and choose to follow His plan for my life, only then will I be able to live to the fullest--to be prosperous in the Lord.
I'll leave you with a verse from my favorite Psalm:
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:15-16
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