Out of Control

My plans. Haha, that's a laugh, right? Deep down I know that God is in control of everything that happens in my life, but I need a daily reminder. Probably more than that to be honest--an hourly reminder at least.

This week I've been working on my grad school applications. Everything is coming together nicely and for that, I am thankful. However, I've been losing sight of the fact that I'm not really in control of this. I like to be in control of some things and academics is definitely one of them. When I went to Cgroup last week, Ida Jo was asking me about the schools I was applying to and hypothetical situations that might come up. What if I don't get into IU? What if I do get in to all the schools I apply to--then where will I go? I had thought of these things before and had answers to all of the questions, but it still made me think. The grad students and the professor that I work for seem to think that I won't have trouble getting in anywhere. I've been really comforted by that and kind of put aside my worrying because of it. It just occurred to me, however, that it doesn't really matter how qualified I am. If God doesn't want me to be here at IU, it doesn't matter how good my grades are or what great things my professors say in their recommendations. If it's not in God's plan, I won't get in. And vice versa, even if I don't think I'm qualified enough God can still put me wherever He wants me to be.

This is unsettling and comforting at the same time. Unsettling due to the fact that I can't prepare myself enough. I can do all the "right" things. Get all the best grades and test scores. Those things can help get me into a good school, but if it's not where God wants me to be, the best qualifications don't mean a thing. I've never actually had the control I thought I had in the situation. On the other hand, it is comforting to know that those things are out of my control. I don't have to worry about my future, because God knows exactly where to put me. He's got my best interest in mind.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

That said, these plans that the Lord has for me--for prosperity, for my future--are not necessarily what I might consider prosperous and right for my future. I think it's important to note this since the "prosperity gospel" has recently been brought to my attention. God's plan to "prosper" me does not mean that he's going to make me rich, or keep me from sickness, or give me the perfect husband and family someday. It simply means that He knows what's best for me and when I seek Him out and choose to follow His plan for my life, only then will I be able to live to the fullest--to be prosperous in the Lord.
I'll leave you with a verse from my favorite Psalm:

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:15-16