Three's company

Or alternatively titled by Erica: "Coming out of the type 3 closet"

The first time I took the enneagram sometime last fall, I tested as a 2: the helper--need to be needed. Ever since when I've mentioned being a 2 I've gotten looks from Sarah and Nicole, similar to the pictures on the right (but with better lighting and sans glasses). They were convinced that I was a 3:the achiever even though I was pretty sure that the 2 description fit pretty well. It is interesting that the 2/3 types have similar fears and desires (2: fear--being unwanted, desire--to be loved; 3: fear--being worthless, desire--to be valuable).

After another suggestion that I was a 3 from Erica and a few more looks from Sarah after YH yesterday, I retook the test... with the same results.



My highest score is type 2; however, the integration/disintegration for a 2 (what each type will do under healthy or stressful circumstances, 4 and 8 for a 2) are my lowest scores, while the int/disint for a 3 (6 and 9) are my next highest scores. Ah! Wot is going on?! On top of that, I identify with most parts of the misidentification description enough that I can't tell which wins out.

So at the suggestion of Sarah, back to examining the levels of a 2 and 3 and figuring out what fits. The conclusion? I identify with ALL of the type 3 levels, but only some of the type 2 levels... and really not the lower ones at all for 2. Here are a few type 3 snippets, the good, the bad, and the ugly:

Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be.
Self-assured, energetic, and competent.
Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, constantly driving self to achieve goals as if self-worth depends on it.
Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived.
Fearing failure and humiliation, and willing to do "whatever it takes" to preserve the illusion of their superiority.
Devious and deceptive so that their mistakes and wrongdoings will not be exposed.

I've always been driven by the ladder of success, avoiding failure (so much that I often wouldn't/won't do something if I don't know I can succeed at it) and somewhat by status as well. Honors diploma, class officer, and believe it or not I have a tiara from a pageant. Last year when I was applying to grad school I had to deal with it a lot, I considered the PhD at that point but I knew I was thinking about it just because it was the highest wrung on the ladder. (Now, I'm switching to the PhD for the right reasons. :) ) And if you add a two-wing to the whole description, it's even more like me: "Sincere desire to do well by others. If they have achieved some measure of success they are generous in their mentorship of others. [I like to teach!] Strong social focus because they need so much validation from others."

To throw in another good friend's perspective, Beth mentioned this: "Also, I see you in a lot of situations where you take control to make sure things are on track (3) and stable (9). When you are under extreme stress (last fall...) you definitely have a strong idea of what you think the situation should be (8, but also 3), but you tend toward inaction (9) rather than manipulating the situation to your liking (8). And in integration I can definitely see you going to 6 rather than 4. You've got an artsy and creative side, but you're not a 4."

So there you have it: Sarah, Nicole, and Erica were right--I'm totally a 3w2.
And I'm going to stop this post now, because it's starting to feel awfully narcissistic. :)

Why I think four-year-olds are great

Today in the 4s & 5s room after the story was told and the construction paper crafts were put away, I played legos with Gavin, a sweet four year old with a great imagination. No better way to spend a joy-filled Sunday morning. There's no one like a child to bring you out of a self-centered outlook. Suddenly you find yourself elbow deep in a tub of legos trying to get a four year old interested enough in the fort you're building so that he won't be as concerned about being in a group of kids he doesn't know so well. And it's just fun to be absorbed in the whimsy and imagination of a four year old. There can be windows without walls and a dog that's larger than the lego people and the steering wheel in the middle of the yard that may or may not control something--it doesn't have to make sense; it can be whatever you want it to be, no rhyme or reason. On the other side of the room Maya and Eli were jumping up and down because they had finished a 100 piece puzzle that they started before story time. Christopher beamed when he managed to spell out his entire first name on a piece of construction paper--11 letters is no small feat for a four year old! They make me smile and laugh and get excited about things that I wouldn't have batted an eye at yesterday. I love looking at life through the eyes of a kid and I think they teach me just as much as I try to teach them.

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto

The Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie of all time. Recently a friend gave me Return to Oz. I actually hadn't seen it before, although I do remember begging my grandma to rent it at the video store when I was about 5 yrs old. The Wheelers scared me and she wouldn't let me watch the rest of it because she thought I would have nightmares. Probably a good call, grandma. Haha. Anyway, here's my take on the film.

Return to Oz was made by Disney in 1985. It has an awkward charm; weird but completely enjoyable. The thing you have to remember about Return to Oz is that the director didn't intend for it to be a direct sequel to (or really, anything at all like) the Judy Garland musical. Although, ROz is based on the 2nd and 3rd Oz books by L. Frank Baum.

It's definitely darker than WOz, but totally entertaining in a quirky sort of way. Dorothy has been back in Kansas for awhile and talking about Oz, making Auntie Em think she's gone mad. Dorothy has to escape from the evil electro-shock therapy clinic and ends up floating on a river to Oz. There're no cheerful Munchkins or Glinda, the good witch, dressed in a sparkly bubblegum colored dress, but there is Tik-Tok the robot, Jack Pumpkinhead, Gump--a mounted moose head attached to a couch for most of the movie and Billina the talking chicken (who would be much less annoying if she didn't talk). They have to save the land of Oz, Princess Ozma and the Scarecrow, the Tinman, and the Cowardly Lion. The villains in this movie are by far the strangest part. There's Princess Mombi who has a room full of heads that she pops on and off like wigs, The Wheelers (who still kind of creep me out: see pic)--think rollerblades for hands and feet along with bad makeup, crazy clothes, and cackling laughter, and the claymation stone cross-dressing Nome king, who is wearing the ruby slippers.

Bits and pieces of this movie remind me of Narnia. Dorothy returns to Oz to find the Yellow Brick Road and the Emerald City in ruins. All of the people of the Emerald City have been turned to stone (and some decapitated for Mombi's collection). The Nome king lives on a snow covered mountain, and the rocks are all spies for the king--remniscent of the trees in Narnia. Interesting coincidences.

I enjoyed it although WOz is several (decapitated) heads above in ranking, and if you're interested in watching it with me I'll probaby watch it again soon (maybe along with WOz). See it if: you like dark and quirky 80s movies with ridiculous characters, claymation, animatronics, and have no expectations of it being anything like WOz. Don't see it if: you're 5 yrs old.

[Take home lesson from the end of ROz: Behold the power of the incredible edible egg.]

It's like playing "Telephone"

The Science News Cycle

Haha! This is why I have spent an inordinate amount of time explaining the swine flu lately.

A summer evening

As daylight steadily fades to dusk
Beauty takes every form, filling our senses with delight
The breeze rustling through leafy treetops
Whispers to the water trickling a song on its way to the pond
Cardinals are bits of crimson flitting through the branches
and squirrels scamper away to forage for another meal
A sparrow tiptoes close by, curious to read over our shoulders
Here we sit, in dewy grass made with joy from the Creator's heart
Flashes of lightning highlight clouds against the darkness
Our eyes are lifted up, finding You in your creation
Seeing your power in bolts dashing across the midnight sky
Feeling your gentle touch in the summer air washing over us
Through our awe, we find voices of prayer
Celebrating your character and glorifying your triumphs
As we raise our humble refrain, the frogs join in our song
A gentle hymn from human and amphibian alike
May we never cease to praise your name.

Social science

My cells aren't ready for experiments and I'm dragging my feet on writing my committee meeting report intro, soooo blog post...

A couple of non-scientist friends have commented over the past year or so that it is interesting that I enjoy working in the lab so much, especially since I’m a two and typically like interacting with people. An understandable perspective. But if you peek into my life in the lab, it might give a little insight to my love of the laboratory atmosphere.

First, science as a whole is totally interactive. Scientists must communicate to make significant progress. The IU biology department prides itself on its collegiate atmosphere, both intradepartmental and interdepartmental, as well as intercollegiate. There are collaborations all over the place. For example, our lab wants to put our virus in fruit flies to simulate what it does in mosquitoes. We don’t know much about fruit flies—but the Kumar lab does! Collaboration!We have meetings every couple of weeks to talk with them about experiments and get their advice.

Second, science involves learning. All. The. Time. It never stops. You’ve got to keep expanding your knowledge base. This requires talking to lab mates to get their knowledge and sharing yours with them. Lately, Brian has been helping me troubleshoot a pesky Western blot that I can’t get to work. His advice speeds up my experimental process a lot more than if I were trying to do it on my own (although yesterday he said “Yeah, this is the point at which I’d be going to Rich—nothing’s working! Help!!” haha.) Likewise, I know a fair amount about our microscope and using it for fluorescence experiments, so yesterday I was helping Michelle adjust settings on the scope and using the computer software that goes with the camera. Beyond the one-on-one interactions, we also have weekly 1.5 hr lab meetings during which people present their most recent data and the rest of the lab members chip in by asking questions and offering suggestions for new experiments and improving current ones.

Last, but definitely not least, I work in a very social lab. Actually, we’re three labs that are kind of intertwined and everyone gets along great. Lots of friendships, and teasing, and cake! Our lab eats lots of birthday cake, and coffee cake, and practice wedding cake, and hey, it’s cinco de mayo… let’s eat cake (no joke, this happened.)

Sometimes when people hear that I work in a lab, they think that I do experiments in silence all day without any contact with other people. Totally not true. It’s not constant interaction like teaching is, but I talk to/learn from/socialize with people throughout the day. It’s great! And at the risk of letting out the secret that I’m even geekier than you think I am, I get really excited when I get to toss around ideas with other scientists. If anyone has talked with me after I’ve just gotten out of a meeting when I’ve been discussing science with my PI/other PIs/labmates/etc, you’ve seen it. All in all, science is a great field for a somewhat introverted two. Gah, I love my job.

Doubting doubt on SCL

It's "Serious Wednesday" on StuffChristiansLike. And by "Serious Wednesday," Jon Acuff (writer of SCL) means that he'll start out with his usual hilarious satire and by the end totally loop back to convict and touch your heart with what he's been learning. Today's post on Mark 9:14-26 was great; thought I'd share a bit (and I promise I'll get back to writing original stuff soon... my last several posts have been quotes) :

"At this point, if you doubt that Jesus understands doubt, if you doubt that God tolerates doubt, the cry "help me overcome my unbelief" should earn this man an old school temple clearing style whipping. He’s just told the son of God to his face that he has doubt and unbelief. But how does Jesus respond?

...

We doubt. We struggle. We wrestle with unbelief. And you know how Jesus responds to that?

He heals.

He loves.

He lifts up people that look dead to everyone but him.

I would love to say I don't doubt, but that would be a lie.

The truth is, I do.

And when I find myself there, I don't try to hide it or fake it or kill myself over it. I pray a prayer an unnamed man in the Bible first said to Christ."

More virus variations than stars in the milky way

Why is it difficult to study viruses? They just keep changing! They can mutate and evolve rapidly compared to anything else, leading to numerous variations of any one virus. Check out this quote about the possible virus variants from Dr. Vincent Rancaniello, virologist at Columbia University Medical Center.

"The answer is quite simple: for a genome N nucleotides in length, there are 4^N possible variants, because there are 4 different nucleotides. This is a huge number, even for small viral genomes. For example, there are 10¹⁸⁰ different variants for a genome that is only 300 nucleotides in length. The HIV-1 genome, which is about 10,000 nucleotides in length, can exist as 10⁶⁰²⁰ different sequences. To put this number in perspective, there are 10¹¹ stars in the Milky Way galaxy and 10⁸⁰ protons in the universe."

No limitations

I'm still dwelling on and marveling at this thought from the Yellow House study this week.

The Spirit doesn't have a problem with scale.
--paraphrased from Christina

In the beginning God (prepared, formed, fashioned, and) created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and an empty waste, and darkness was upon the face of the very great deep. The Spirit of God was moving (hovering, brooding*) over the face of the waters.
Genesis 1:1-2 (Amplified Bible)

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. Acts 4:31

*I particularly love the thought of the Spirit brooding over the earth.

Unique in all the world

From The Little Prince by Antoine St Exupery, Ch 21:

[background: The little prince is from a planet that is only occupied by him, a rose--his only friend, and pesky baobab trees. He goes on a journey which eventually leads him to Earth. Along the way he learns many life lessons, among them those about the importance of friendship.]

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."[said the fox]

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

Even more info...

For those that like to be very well-informed, Dr. Vincent Racaniello, a virologist and professor of Microbiology at Columbia University Medical Center has a virology blog. He's written several posts over the past week or so about the H1N1 flu, providing more detailed information about the flu from the literature we already have, answering questions and concerns that people have posed, and correcting misconceptions.